I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My penis needs a shock collar
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize