OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
