I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
