Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
