I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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