he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
