it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
