Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
