i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
