i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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