does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
