So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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