We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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