We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
