I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
