you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
