how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
