It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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