i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
