Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize