I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
