i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ketchup is God's man juice
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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