I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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