i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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