8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
