as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
