i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
