his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
