I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
