i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
