Pappa wants mamma naked
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
