your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
