Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize