Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
