Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
