Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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