i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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