So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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