TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
These tits shall not be calmed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
