Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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