i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
