I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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