I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
