I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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