Don't you send me to vm
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
