I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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