ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
