...so i touched it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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