is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
