after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
