Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
