if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
