Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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