somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
