Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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