I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
