just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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