At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
