I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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