I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
