Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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