Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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