last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
