our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
