Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
