watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
