saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
