the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
