he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
