You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
