He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
